Thursday, June 02, 2005

New Angel

I have failed to mention (or have not dedicated the time as of yet) a significant person that has been added to my list of “angels”. As a favor returning a favor, my ex decided to help me some weeks ago to find someone special. At that time I went on a semi-blind date for the first time in many years. It was a very different experience than what I recalled. I was comfortable and not nervous at all. I guess at this age I am already much more comfortable in my own skin and that gives me a certain confidence. I honestly had a great time. Although drama was sure to follow because if not it would not be my life, this special person was like a rainbow in the middle of a stormy day. As I have mentioned before, I feel like certain people come into our lives as angels in disguise. This angel has had a great impact in my life in a very short amount of time, and with this I would like to acknowledge her presence and also share my appreciation. I believe that we need to see those little gifts that we get sometimes to be able to enjoy our lives otherwise everything can seem boring and even cruel. This new angel opened my eyes to all kinds of new possibilities and for this I am ever so grateful. WELCOME!!

Teoria : Compatibilidad Romantica

Después de una larga conversación y de pensar mucho sobre el tema, tengo que comentar que me sorprende mucho la diferencia de la manera en que vemos el romance y los detalles. Es hasta cómico lo diferente que podemos ver este tema. Para algunas personas el ser romántico significa ser detallista, para otras ser cariñoso, otras es simplemente compartir juntos… Cada persona es un mundo y hace lo que le parece que es ese concepto. El demostrar lo que uno siente y ser “romántico” es gran parte de lo bonito que tienen las relaciones amorosas pero si los estilos de hacer y recibir detalles son muy diferentes, la pareja puede tener problemas en mantener la llama de ese amor. Me he dado cuenta que una persona puede sentir que es súper romántica porque se dedica a su manera a demostrar su amor pero si la otra persona espera otro tipo de demostraciones entonces lo que esa haga no le llega y los esfuerzos son en vano o simplemente pasan desapercibidos. Que frustrante para el que da lo que no “debe” y que triste la persona que no ve lo que la otra intenta hacer. La clave de esto obviamente es la comunicación, pero hasta en esto uno corre el riesgo de sonar exigente o insensible. No todo el mundo tiene la misma creatividad y muchos tienen problemas de expresar lo que sienten. La conclusión que saco de todo esto es que uno tiene que estar con una persona compatible y no intentar cambiar el estilo de nadie. Una teoría: si te demuestran amor de una manera que no va con como te gusta recibirlo entonces muy posiblemente esa persona no sea compatible en muchos otros aspectos tampoco…

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Bliss

I’ve been thinking and thinking so much lately that I think I’m seriously burning out… actually it’s the type of thinking I’m doing that is causing me strain. Feelings and emotions, wow seriously it’s so difficult to decipher and figure out even one’s own. I’m one of those, mind over matter people so it’s a little extra difficult for me to deal with emotions. These past few weeks have been tough, but yesterday I think that I made the “right” decision. Starting over new and giving everything another try, a different first try. If I would listen to others’ advice I probably would not have come to the same conclusion but like everything else I do, I have made the decision on my own based on what I know and feel. With this last experience, I have realized that no one better than you yourself can see clearly how certain situations are especially when love is involved. No one better than the two people really know what is going on. There’s so much that is left unsaid but is understood by these two people. Even if one impartial person hears both sides of the story with details, still it’s not enough to make a decision about whether these two people should or shouldn’t be together. As for me I am trusting and letting go and with all the faith that I have left, I have given up my unwanted freedom and returned to the ultimate bliss of being with someone I truly love.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Fin de Semana de LOCOS

¡Que fin de semana! En realidad tantas cosas pasaron este fin que es muy difícil resumirlo en un post y demasiado largo contarlo todo completo… Conclusión y Moraleja: ¡La vida te da sorpresas, sorpresas te da la vida!!... es impresionante para mi el darme cuenta mas y mas que las cosas son totalmente impredecibles en cuanto a cuestiones del amor y en general de los seres humanos… el caso es que yo estoy aprendiendo a simplemente no tener expectativas, y a esperar cualquier cosa porque en realidad si es verdad que en la vida todo es posible… cosa que puede ser muy bueno o muy malo también… Por mi parte en este momento tan lleno de sorpresas y cambios, estoy en parte todavía absorbiendo las cosas y por otra parte tratando de tomar las cosas una por una, One day at a time, como dicen por ahí… Lo que si me gustaría cambiar si se pudiese… es que la gente aprenda a apreciar las cosas, sin tener que perderlas… eso de que uno no sabe lo que tiene hasta que lo pierde… no debería ser así….

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Free Time

Living the unwanted single life means adapting and adjusting, too much free time and enhanced imagination. Thankfully my friends and family keep me from being too lonely. I’m dedicating my free time to myself, all this freedom must be somehow interesting or relieving to some people, to me it’s a lot of work… but nonetheless I’m definitely making the best of it and I’m spending quality time with the important people in my life … {and going to the gym religiously, Yoga is doing wonders to my body and my soul, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever spend time and money doing. }

Tormenta

Llega como una tormenta eléctrica después de la sequía, aunque es algo a que temerle al final es un alivio con cada gota, alimentando cada hoja. Llega y llena, llega y todo seco y marchito recupera la vida, el color y sabor, llega y por donde pasa las esperanzas renacen después de haber estado escondidas y espantadas. La sequía larga afectaba cada parte de la vida, ya ni siquiera se esperaba el agua, ya las nubes no se formaban, ya no se pensaba posible. La sed se convirtió en costumbre y la muerte por deshidratación se acercaba lentamente… delirando ni cuenta se daba, como borracha andando sin sentidos, llega ella bella fuerte tormenta eléctrica, con su luz y su agua refrescante a cambiar rumbos y destinos, a dejar por donde pasa la esperanza devolviéndole la vida a la vida. Pero tal como una tormenta ella llego y pasó con todo lo que tenía y se fue, dejo atrás el recuerdo, las huellas. Los labios ya no secos pero todavía con sed, tormenta alborotando a los pájaros y a los peces… Pasaste y te fuiste dejando esperanza sin seguridad de reencuentro. Quisiera poder seguir bajo tus efectos sintiendo cada gota mirando cada rayito de luz pero tu naturaleza no lo permitió. Ahora me siento a esperar, mirando a ver si se forman las nubes, otras tormentas vendrán. Gracias a ti, la primera que empezó a cambiarlo todo, me quedare tranquila esperando pacientemente.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

I've been away cuz...

It’s been a couple of days since I have sat down with my thoughts but I was dealing with some things and my mind has been more distracted than the usual… too distracted to put things into words… Basically I’ve been thinking about the mistakes that I have made over and over again so I can finally learn from them… I’ve also noticed that most of them are common mistakes, a lot of people I’ve spoken to have gone through very similar situations so I don’t feel so stupid at least… Now I’m at a time in my life where I am getting to know myself better and I’m finding balance in things… I thought that as a teen you went through that but now I know that it was the beginning and the real work is now close to my 25th… my friends mostly in their late 20s and 30s tell me that they still feel that they’re in this same process so this gave me relief… I feel like I don’t have to figure everything out right now, and for the first time in a long time I find myself optimistic and full of possibilities ahead of me… BTW Birthday is June 10th!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

RISK

No matter how strong I think I am and no matter how much I can convince myself that I can handle things… I see that as human beings we try to prepare ourselves for certain situations so that when it comes … it won’t hurt as much… the truth is that we are mostly bullshitting ourselves… If someone dear to us is dying, for example, no matter how much we prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally, when they die, IT HURTS! I don’t if it’s better at the end to just let ourselves be hurt and feel pain instead of trying to be “strong” or “brave”… I feel that the waiting period for the “bad” news and the preparation can sometimes be more agonizing than the actual hit… I guess afterwards the only thing left is to get over it and move on… the relief is that it is over and prepared or not, the pain is here but not for long … soon enough we do get back on our feet… truly though not convincing ourselves that we are ok but really feeling it… the worse kind of lies are those that we tell to ourselves and believe in… does it make me less of a person that I got hurt or like some people think, that I allowed myself to get hurt? I rather risk and loose than play it safe and never gain…

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Let it Flow

From a very pleasant experience I had last night I have come to the conclusion (after a lot of research as well) that I need to let things go and be and flow it’s a good thing to think things through, it’s good to have goals and so on but for the longest time all I have done is planned, always thinking and planning, in this there’s a great deal of pressure when things don’t go as planned or when the thinking is not enough because things don’t always happen how we think they should. I feel that I lived a much more stressful life, consequences were always on my mind and what if this what if that's were going to drive me to jump off some building . thanks to my angels, I have seen a better way… a balance between preparation and obsessing… when you let things be, let them flow, the natural rhythm of things allows for the events to flourish much more easily and in the way that they should happen. when you stick your hand in it and try pushing things the way you think they ought to happen, don’t you see that most of the time they don’t go your way and on top of it you ruin what could have been better?.... LET IT FLOW! I am starting now , living more in the moment and having more faith that things happen for a reason and my reasoning usually isn’t all that good anyway! jajajajaja